BACK AT IT

I have been gone a while.
Been through a series of changes.
Single after 14 yrs, moved from 2600 sq ft house in suburbs to an 800 sq ft 2 bd/2bth apartment in the city, dating, bleeding ulcer, gained weight back, Sean has rapid cycling Bipolar disorder/ADHD/Personality disorder/ODD, and my job is quite likely going to kill me.

I AM calmer since my move, though it has left a gash in my heart and a sense of foreboding to the relationship/marriage scene.

The words are not flowing as freely now. Need to get back into practice
Stay tuned

PROM!!

My Little Squish is going to Prom!



$40.00 for tickets
$105.00 for Tuxedo rental
$20.00 in Gas
Seeing my baby boy in a tuxedo, looking and feeling like a normal teenager should!

PRICELESS

I am completely, undeniably, unfathomably exhausted and in dire need of potato chips and chocolate with caramel centers! Between my work, hormones and domestic duties my current homeostasis is screaming for more sugar and sleep. I was an hour late to work. I am almost never late.

And quite frankly, should the opportunity present itself, this lioness could likely pounce commit a gruesome act of violence against those who should stumble into my den. RAAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR……
Yet, the cub would fancy a warm body to snuggle up with; while enjoying the gentle massage of a loving touch. Add a cup of hot tea and a romantic comedy and my purr would be unending.
Ahhhhh….to dream of a warm, quiet life upon the desert plains filled with the hope of unwavering love, admiration, and happiness.

Optomist's Creed-From The Secret.

I promise myself.......

• To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
• To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person I meet.
• To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
• To look at the sunny side of tverything and make my optimism come true.
• To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.
• To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own.
• To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievments of the future.
• To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature I meet.
• To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.
• To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
• To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words, but in great deeds.
• To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side, so long as I am true to the best that is in me.

• ~Christian D. Larson

Drama-I am sick of it!

Stop calling each other with the latest gossip.
Stop spreading hearsay!
JUST STOP IT!
It is weak,pathetic,and quite frankly juvenille.
Remember kindergarten rules?
Keep to yourself, other than supporting one another.
Allow those that are first-handedly involved deal with the issues between themselves. We are mere pawns in this game.
We have been given an opportunity to get our weight under control and become healthy.
Take it! Leave the rest.....

110 lbs 1997 & 1993

1997-ish....when my niece was born

Me and my EX husband, LOOK I HAVE CLAVICLES!! HOLY SMOKES

Fat Storage & Ketosis

We have sustained high glucose/carbohydrate intake in our diet which has lead to increased fat synthesis.

If glucose intake continues after muscle and liver glycogen stores are full, (ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET) the glucose is not excreted or wasted. It is converted to a fuel storage form which has an unlimited capacity i.e. triglycerides stored in adipose tissue (FAT ROLLS).

“Glucose is converted to pyruvate by glycolysis. The pyruvate is converted to acetyl CoA, which is the starting material for the synthesis of fatty acids. This synthesis occurs in the liver followed by conversion of the fatty acids to triglycerides (also in the liver) and then transport to adipose tissue for storage” (ref:www.unisanet.unisa.edu.au/08366/h&p2carb.htm)

Ketosis is a state characterized by elevated levels of ketone bodies in the blood.
It occurs when the liver converts fat into fatty acids and ketone bodies, which can be used by all of the body for energy as an alternative to glucose and subsequently enhances weight loss, if maintained.

Meaning, if we prohibit the consumption of our supremely delicious comfort foods such as pasta, bread, cereals, potatoes, fruit, sugar of any kind and juice for a while; we have a good chance of losing some “ton-age” fairly quickly.

However in order to achieve this state you must radically reduce the amount of carbohydrate intake to no less than 20 grams per day and no more than 60 grams per day. The Institute of Medicine set a Recommended Dietary Allowance of 130 grams per day for adults and children, who are maintaining a healthy weight. (ref: mypyramid.gov)This is no easy task.

If your diet is changed from a high carbohydrate diet to a diet that does not provide sufficient carbohydrate to replenish glycogen stores, the body goes through a set of stages to enter ketosis. During the initial stages of this process the adult brain does not burn ketones, however the brain makes immediate use of this for lipid synthesis in the brain. After about 48 hours of this process, the brain starts burning ketones in order to utilize the energy from the fat stores that are being depended upon, and to reserve the glucose only for its absolute needs, thus avoiding the depletion of the body's protein store in the muscles. (Ref: wikipedia.com)

Special urine test strips may be used to determine if you have reached Ketosis, however it is said that once you enter ketosis you tend to feel a bit livelier than you previously had.

So, KETOSIS, here I come…….

Dancing thoughts....

Dance is generally considered an art form relating to the movements of the body, rhythmically and predominately to music.

Dance is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire, per an author I have long since forgotten.

Is there a "correct" way to dance. If dancing is a form of expression, is any one persons expression "incorrect"?

My interpretation of the "correct" way is of learning the conventional steps that are commonly known, accepted and used by those who engage in it's form.

I have attended some dance classes through school, and have experienced "on the fly" teachings at many a bar, via parents or bar patrons.

Regular Waltz, Semi-tango, old-fashioned two-step through parents. Two-step, line dancing and of course a tad of "hip hop/booty shaking" if that is what you call it, in the bar-setting. I would love to learn to perform any/all of the Latin styles (Salsa, Rumba, Tango) and of course Disco would be nostalgic.

My weight gain and subsequent inability to move as halted all but my desire to dance. My mid-line is "fat-bound". And all forms of dance incorporate the mid-line's ability to roll, sway, bounce, and twist, without hurting oneself.

Upon reaching my goal,I would like to take a salsa class.

My Food Wanton-ness

FAILURE.....the last couple days have been Hell for my diet for one reason or another.

A Sleep & Stroke Teleconference sponsored by Bristol-Meyers Squibb who generously provided sandwiches stacked waist high, baked chips and soft cookies in order to enhance my weight gain and thereby guarantee that I will be needing their products in the future. Being the good guest as I was taught, you must try one of everything. I complied, by eating a 3inch Sandwhich with veggies and turkey, only a few chips, and 1 small cookie. =(

My lovely step-mom came to town from Bend, our customary visit to Chevy’s for drinks and hors d’oeuvres ensued. She imbibed freely of the beautifully decorated “froo-froo” drinks. While I consummed the boring Rum & diet coke(4 of them,I think). And my long lost friend, El Machino, was ready to provide me with an unlimited supply of my beloved, warm flour tortillas. When a friend makes you food you must partake. I had 3 of his warm embraces, along with my chicken fajita salad. =(

At work we were celebrating our Houskeepers, birth. I was tasked with providing the cake, how cruel can one be? After my morning workout I felt sufficiently ready to purchase a cake without the worry of falling prey to its succulent wiles. I popped into Safeway, found a great chocolate mousse cake. As I turned to leave this lusciously moist-looking, heart-shaped, siren of a white cake was beckoning me. Taunting me with its fresh, white-chocolate layer, and glistening pink ribbon. How naughtily sensual it was as I devoured each morsel, deliciously tilting my head back as the shivers of satisfaction overwhelmed my taste buds.
Here I sit, ashamed of my inability to ," Just say no!" and the insatiable desire I have for more.
Especially since I normally hate cake, I hate frosting, .....WHY I ASK.....Could it be.....my hormones....????? PLEASE.....

My Serenity Prayer for weight loss

God grant me the serenity to accept my 110 calorie meals every 2.5 to3 hours; the courage to withstand the barely palatable texture; and the wisdom to know this IS good for me.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one meal at a time; Accepting temporary hunger as the pathway to my goal weight;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world of overindulgence and gluttony as it is, not as I would have it (I.E Unending supply of Prime rib, Banana cake, Carmel Kit Kat's, and Pringles).

Trusting that He will help me make things right, if I surrender to his will, not that of my growling stomach and the voices that say, " EAT ME";

That I may, again, be reasonably happy in this new life of being fit and fabulous, and supremely happy with Him. Forever in the next.
AMEN--PLEASE